I can’t stop stopping.

There, see? I wrote that sentence and then decided to check my Facebook page. 10 minutes later, I’m back here again.

I am the master of excuses. Yes, I have a lot on the go, and a bunch of stuff running through my head, but it doesn’t take much for me to justify procrastinating.

All I have to do is compile 90 days of blog posts, and then make up some nice lacy, witty stuff to tie it all together in an amusing yet poignant way. I’ve already done this with about 155 blog posts. Why can’t I just suck it up and get it finished?

My excuses thus far:

1) I’m moving, so I need to pack…

2) I need a new laptop, THEN I’ll be able to write!

3) I think I’d like a bath right about now.

4) Man, are those dishes ever piling up!

5) Look at all the dog hair on this floor. I really need to sweep. And mop. Maybe I’ll just put new flooring down…

6) I have to paint the new place I’m moving in to

7) I really must sit and contemplate furniture placement…

…and the list goes on.

But I know what the real reason is. It’s a lot simpler than that. The reason that I’m dedicating so much time to wasting time is because I’m afraid to fail.

What if I do finish, and it’s no good? What if no one likes it? Then I’ve put in all this time and effort exposing my bare inner self, just to have people read it and say, “meh.”

And so, if I procrastinate, at least I can use it as an excuse. “Oh yeah, it makes sense that the book wasn’t good. I totally procrastinated. If I had used that wasted time more effectively, I’m sure my work would have been a lot better.

So in a sense, I’m getting a lot out of doing nothing. It’s keeping my self-esteem somewhat intact, and it’s providing me with a subtle way to maintain at least a little dignity  when if  I fall on my face.

But right now, I really need to go have a shower. And make more coffee. And empty the dishwasher. And go for a walk…