Each day in December, I waddle my clicky finger over to Reverb10 and grab their ‘prompt of the day’ and start writing. I’m participating in a little bloggy thing where I commit to writing on these Reverb topics each day for a month. Let’s see how ending the year this way effects the start of the year ahead…

December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I blame the internet. That wonderfully twisty world of electronic entertainment, making me laugh with cat pictures and short, disastrous videos from the ‘hold my beer and watch this‘ crowd.  I start my surfing at 9am, and before I know it, I have a post-work starving boyfriend, and two cross-legged dogs that are desperate to go outside. I need a shark. I need something to bite my board, and scare me back to shore where I left my writing brain basking in the sun.

Truthfully, I use the internet as a scapegoat because I know the real reason for my not writing is because I don’t believe in my ability enough. I don’t think I’ve got “it”. You know “it”, that thing that makes you walk tall without tripping. Yah, that. I don’t have that. I think that I’m a perpetual tripper, although I have a few cheerleaders who delight in constantly pointing out my lack of bruises.

Other people believe in me, but I can’t believe in me. I think that if I believe in myself, it means that I’m conceited. But I don’t want to be conceited, and I just don’t know how to believe in myself without feeling that I’m too proud, or full of myself. Twisted, I know. But that’s where the www comes in! It provides me with a priceless escape from the Spinning Vortex of Doom that can be my brain. I can only concentrate on one thing at a time, people! Facing myself, or turning my back… I need to prioritize! I mean really, how can I be hard on myself while Jon Stewart is humiliating Glenn Beck?!

And so, even though the internet is a bane to my work ethic, I value its ability to let me avoid thinking that I’m a narcissist. Can I eliminate it? You bet I can. But do I want to is the real question now, isn’t it?

I need a shark.