December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

Are you sure you want to hear this story, Reverbers? Because in all honesty, I’m not sure I want to tell it… not that I can really remember it. Ok, you asked for it…

It all started one cold December night about two years ago, when two bored girls decided that in order to have a more exciting evening, they would drink a lot of champagne, and then bake something tasty. It was the beginning of an era of questionably intelligent projects. An era that led to hiking, not camping, city-wide nacho tasting, and climbing an African mountain. And it has now led us to our latest project – Drunk Baking The World! We spin the globe, haphazardly jab a finger onto some poor land mass, and then scour the internet looking for country-specific treats to burn into oblivion, or stir into unrecognizable puddles.

On November 27th, we ‘traveled’ to Sao Tome (aka ‘Chocolate Island’) and from there, decided to make the evilest of all culinary evil: Whoopie Pies. Two innocent chocolate cakes married by squishy, sweet marshmallow frosting… just LOOK at them! Don’t they look delectable? We were about to ruin anything good about Whoopie Pies, and all it took was two bottles of sparkling wine, and a poorly-timed shot of Fireball/butterscotch schnapps. Sadly, that horrible, twisted shot tasted better than the baking we attempted.

It was a disaster of epic proportions. Too much icing, not enough self-control… it all went downhill very quickly. It was both magical and horrendous, and left us writhing in the sweet taste of culinary humiliation. My head hurt, my teeth ached, and two days later my fingers were still stuck together. We ruined the carpet, frightened the dogs, and converted the oven to Christianity. Have you ever heard a kitchen appliance pray before? My god, may you never.

And so, because we never learn anything from any Drunk Baking fiasco whatsoever, we will continue on. We will keep ‘traveling’ the world, finding recipes to ruin across this great, spinning* rocky home of ours. Next stop: Cape Farewell, Greenland.

May god have mercy on the oven.

…It IS spinning, right?  That’s not just me?

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