December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell).

Writing a book is the one thing that I have dreamed of doing all year, and then promptly spent all year avoiding. In fact, I’m *still* avoiding it! I really am dedicated. I am scared, worried, unsure, busy, AND deterred. The voices in my head (the ones not muted by medications, anyway) are very loud and annoying, and really, they’re pretty much assholes.

You can’t do it“, they say. “You’re not good enough“, they say. “Hey fatso, why don’t you have another sugar cookie and then cry about it, you mega loser?“, they say.

…wow. That was excessively cruel of them, and totally not related to this issue at all. Man, I have some serious ass-kicking to do when I’m finished with this post.

Pffft, you haven’t got the guts!

Oh yes, I do!

No you don’t. We’re too powerful, and you’re all stinky and throw like a girl

I *am* a girl! And I do NOT stink!

Well… then you look like a monkey and your mother dresses you funny!”

I don’t even know what that means.

Because you’re dumb!”

No, because it makes no sense. Of *course* I look like a monkey! I believe in evolution, you guys. And my mother doesn’t dress me. In fact, because I was such a snotty little kid, she stopped trying to dress me when I was about 2 years old.

…well… uhhh… look, you’re really kind of ruining things here. Can’t you just go along with it for a second?

No. I’m tired of you guys always being total dicks. Knock it off!

We never knew you felt that way. We’re really sorry

*humpf*

No, no! Really! We mean it! We’ve been acting like schmucks, and you don’t deserve it. We’re horrible voices

Yes. Yes, you are. You’ve been mondo wanks for like, a bazillion years, and I really think it’s time that you knock it off. I’m trying to write a book here, guys. I mean, people tell me that I should do it, and they really support me. It’s only because of YOU that I haven’t put all my heart into getting this thing off the ground. I’m trying to live out a dream here, and you’re like, totally fucking it up.

Wow. When you put it that way, we really have been doing a horrible job on your brain, haven’t we?

Yep.

Well, tell you what. We’ll all sit down and have a chat about it. Our AGM is coming up soon, and perhaps we should add it to the agenda”

Right near the top, please.

Well, how about we stuff it in the middle somewhere? Ted, Karl and Mike are always freaking late, and they really should be here for this. Is that fair?”

Actually, yes it is. Thank you.

You’re welcome.  …  So...”

So…

Well, this is awkward.”

A little.

We’re… just… gonna’ go now…

Ok, but let me know how the meeting goes. I’d like to see the minutes, please.

Not a problem. We’ll have the secretary fax them over ASAP

Thank you!

Yeah, no worries. Ummm… see you later

Bye!

(Note to self: up medication dosage significantly)

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