The term “From zero to Bucket” just made it into the everyday lexicon of this household.

It stems from the practice that Jenn has adopted when I or The Cheerleader I Live With attempt to take out the compost in our little white  compost-collection bucket. Well, I’ll be honest with you, we don’t really “compost”. We just sorta’ toss our veggie ends into the forest to feed the raccoons. So, when the day is done, and the meals are all cooked, it’s time to feed the raccoons. This is probably very bad practice, but I don’t care, because I think raccoons are especially cute when they’re somewhat corpulent. A waddling raccoon is almost as cute as the term “carpet shark” when one refers to a ferret (thanks to The Food Lady for that one).

Aaaaaaaaanway, as soon as one of us grabs that little white Raccoon Bucket, (seriously, why am I telling you this story? It’s really quite stupid, isn’t it?), Jenn begins to make little yipping noises that sound a bit like what I imagine a fight between two over-inflated balloons inside an echo chamber sounds like. She also starts to ‘talk’, and says what we believe is a mumbled version of the word “Hufflepuff”. Then, she tears down the staircase (with a yip-yip here, and a yip-yip there) and rams her furry little body against the door. Repeatedly.

Now, we have a little bell attached to the doorknob that I have taught Jenn and Luna to smack with their paws when they need to go out. It’s quite effective, but the sound of a 35lb border collie slamming into it while she yarp-yarps and vibrates, makes for a rather uncomfortable echo.

So, Slammy The Vibrating Border Collie and her yip-yip Hufflepuffing is throwing herself against the door in an effort to make the Raccoon Bucket come down the stairs faster. I don’t know why she thinks this works, but she does. Well, if I think about it, I guess it *does* work… this is a really weird story, and I’m almost sorry that I started talking about it.

So, when The Bucket finally reaches the front door, Jenn’s vibrations have become full on seizure-sized, and she does these little half jumps and kick outs while she’s yip-yarping. She kind of looks like a short, hairy, inebriated epileptic Rockette… who is excited by a bucket of carrot ends and egg shells. Isn’t that a nice visual?

Anyway, to make a far-too long story slightly-late and short, we call this epileptic Rockette dance “Bucket”. Jenn will go from a dead sleep to Bucket in 3.4 miliseconds. She’s the McLaren F1 of canines. Her landspeed record is inspired by a bucket of garbage.

Why did I tell you this? Seriously, I’m a little stunned at why I let you into this bizarre part of my life. Maybe I just wanted to let you know what counts for excitement in our house.

Proof that my life is very weird, and very awesome.

Bucket.

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