I’m stuck.

I’m done, I’m lost, I’m worried.

I’ve stopped writing The Book. In fact, I’ve altogether stopped thinking about it. I’m so torn up over the whole thing that I’ve gone and confuzzed my poor brains and hard-working heart. I *want* to write The Book, but I’ve convinced myself that I can’t… and so I’m not. Damn my superior Brain Drain skills!

I’ve gotten so much support, so much help, and so much Cheerleading… and now I don’t feel as though I ever deserved any of it. I’ve been hiding my decision for a few weeks now, not letting anyone in on it (even The Cheerleader I Live With is probably reading this right now and wondering what the hell I’ve just done). I never knew that writing The Book would be so difficult. I keep thinking to myself that I’ve wasted so much time, but then I think that I have all the time in the world. I’m so confuzzed.

So, as it stands, I’ve stopped writing The Book. For a while, anyway. Will I return to it? Maybe. What shall I do in the meantime? Well, I turned to someone who shall remain Anonymous. He is chatting with me about the process of writing, not necessarily about the process of writing The Book. Will that help? Maybe. Will I start writing again? Maybe. Am I ok with that? Maybe.

He’s given me a couple of questions to think about, and for the next two days I’ll answer them on this blog. I like having you a part of these moments – it’s not easy to admit the things that I’m admitting, and maybe I’ll lose some readership because of my wishy-washy unBooking… but at least I’m doing some good in being honest. So… the two questions Anonymous has given me are thus:

1) Why do you want to write this book?

2) How would you feel if you said “screw it” and threw the book away?

I’ll answer question #1 tomorrow. Until then… well, I’ll be thinking.

xo

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