“Are you going to write about muffins?!”, he asked.

“Well, I am NOW”, I replied.

Presenting: Robyn’s Muffins 101 (wait, that doesn’t sound right…)

I have a great recipe for muffins that taste like mini donuts. I call them ‘donuffins’. The Cheerleader I Live With has forbade me to ever make them. He also says this about the chocolate ganache I made a little while ago. And kourabiedes. And fudge. And all manner of Christmas baking. So in December, feel free to come to our place for a festive veggie tray.

But I digress…

I enjoy a good muffin, and I’ll be honest, I only go to staff meetings because muffins are usually available. Even if I just had breakfast, I’ll most assuredly eat a muffin too. Oh muffins… I love you so. There they sit, on a paper towel-lined kitchen plate, amid the store-bought white chocolate, macadamia nut cookies that everyone tries very hard to avoid. The meeting commences and everyone waits for someone to make the first muffin move. Unfortunately, that first person can’t just grab the chocolate chip muffin, they have to reach in and grab the bran and date muffin that they really don’t want. They can’t look greedy and unhealthy all at once, and they know it. On the upside, they’re the only ones that get to snaffle one of those white chocolate, macadamia nut cookies, because they know that everyone saw them grab the ‘healthy’ muffin. Good move, slick. The rest of us have to wait until the meeting is over so that we can grab one of those devil cookies without anyone paying attention, and we’ll stuff it in our yobs as we waddle down the hall back to our offices.

Where was I? Oh, yes, muffins.

I prefer tiny muffins. Not that I don’t eat it the exact same way as I do a regular-sized muffin (don’t get me started on the “Texas-sized” muffins, mkay?)… I still pull the muffin top off and place it in waiting while I suffer through eating the non-top part. It’s the exact same damn muffin, but the non-top part doesn’t taste nearly as good. It doesn’t have that nice, crispy muffin-top joy. There is a bakery in my town that makes bran-raisin muffins, but they freakin’ honey-coat the non-top part! This makes everything very confusing, because now the non-top part tastes far superior to the muffin-top. It sets the world atilt, and seriously messes with the time-muffin continuum.

But back to tiny muffins for a moment… I like tiny muffins because they contain less guilt. It’s really that simple.

You know what’s weird? Cupcakes. They’re just muffins in a frilly skirt, people, let’s be honest. But the issue with cupcakes is this: tiny cupcakes have the same exact amount of guilt as regular-sized cupcakes (I’d like to meet a “Texas-sized” cupcake someday). The whole recent obsession about cupcakes has been kind of freaking me out. Hey, I’m totally not complaining! The ease with which one can now procure a cupcake is outstanding, although somewhat dangerous, and the sheer variety of those frilly muffins is mesmerizing. They’re so pretty! But… but… muffins…

Poor muffins. Upstaged by their adorable little sister.

Fucking cupcakes.

So anyway, it’s Friday. Feel free to have a muffin or two, and if someone gives you a weird look because you have two muffins on the unfolded napkin beside your meeting agenda, throw a cookie at them.

Happy Friday!