A little something different today… see, a friend of mine is the HR manager at a fairly upscale hotel in town, and so she gets a bazgillion* resumes a week from people who think that they’ve got what it takes to work there. Happily for me and others, sometimes this friend posts “Resume Fail” updates on her facebook page. It’s a highlight of my week, I swear to god. So today, I thought I’d throw a few of those Resume Fail posts up here for YOUR amusement. Anything in italics will be my input (redacting names and such), but the rest is verbatim from these…errr… colourful resumes. Enjoy, and happy Friday!

*Bazgillion may or may not be a real number

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I am forwarding my resume for part-time Night Auditor as I have long experience working in Food companies (Honey, Chips, Snacks & Biscuits / Sauces / Bread manufactures).
I’M STUDENT HERE AT (name redacted) COLLAGE IN RICHMOND AND I FINISH IT AT 3 PM WEEKENDS I’M FREE thankx for reading
OBJECTIVE – To work in a company that fits my personal passion of being hands on with others
Particular – Birth date: (date redacted), Height: 6 Ft, 4 Weight: 220 lbs, Appearance: Physically fit and well groomed.
I will stay here for one year, and already discharging the responsibilities of military in my country.
EDUCATION 2009– Present Kwatlen Business undergraduate   (for those not familiar with it… they’ve misspelled the name of the college)
There is a saying in Korean. ‘He/She’s like a knife.’ Knife (name redacted) has been my nickname.
Role – helping manager organizing some stuff
Strengths – dynamic prospective for sales and relation synergie
I’m applying for the position as a Guest Services Repressive as posted on Craigs list…
“In my four years there I gained experience “working the wood” (apparently “working the wood” means bartending)
Employment Objective: To gain the position of ______________ with _______________ where my interest in growing with a stable company will lead to personal growth and a chance for future advancements.
I have read your ad last September of 2009 regarding your requirement for a Hotel Receiver. At that stage, I was presently working, however now your ad has attraced my attention.
I taunted young kids English in Thailand
Experience 2010 – 2011 | Position Held Sausage Delinker  (I mean, it’s a job somewhere, right?)
To whom it may concern. I saw your ad for a Club Lounge Attendant on www.craigslist.ca which is on the internet…
Resume 1 – “Dear Ms Johnson, Your job opening as an F&B Manager is an excellent match to my goals and dreams”. Resume 2 (from the same person) – “Dear Ms Johnson, Your job opening as an Housekeeping Room Attendant is an excellent match to my goals and dreams”
I don’t have any experience in Food & Beverage management per se but I do enjoying dining out at restaurants
My dad told me I had to get a summer job so I’ve attached my resume for your consideration

 

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