Dear 4am,

I don’t enjoy seeing you. As a matter of fact, I’m very happy when I sleep through meeting with you altogether. We’re not friends anymore, and I left you for a reason – you’re not nice to me. It’s really that simple. Sure, we used to be friends, and we had a lot of fun together, too. You were there when I needed you, and you provided me with entertainment and even solace on occasion. There was a time when you were important to me. There was a time when I needed you.

But then you became cold and cruel. I would see you, and for the next day or so I would feel out-of-sorts and internally prickly. I tried to maintain our relationship, but it became harder to do as you stretched yourself farther away from me. I’d reach for you, but somehow always fall short. You made it difficult for me to connect with you. I began to lose interest, and that hurt me, but you seemed indifferent. You just carried on as you always did, and you left me behind so easily. You took up with other women, and men too, and it cut me deep. I wanted to see you again, I wanted to be able to be with you, but you kept pulling farther and farther away.

11pm and I have become close now. I wanted to let you know that, out of respect for our past relationship. I also see 12am and 1am, but not nearly as often as I see 11pm. We like each other, we get each other, and we just… fit. I could see myself spending a lifetime in a close relationship with 11pm, and I’m excited about that. 11pm makes me feel responsible, yet somewhat rebellious, too. 10pm and I spent time together for a while, but it just didn’t work out – I felt guilty, and pathetic. I needed more darkness in my life than what 10pm was giving me. So 11pm and I started spending time together. I think that 10pm and I could become close, but not yet, not at this time in my life.

4am, I’m writing to you to ask a favour… please, 4am… leave me alone. I don’t want to see you anymore. Whenever I do, I end up feeling gross, and I end up getting hurt. I can’t go through this anymore. You have to just let me be, and respect the fact that I’m seeing 11pm now. It’s hard for me to resist you, and you know that, but I need you to be the strong one sometimes, and remind me that 11pm is waiting.

Please 4am, stop coming around. I’m old. You can’t play with me like this anymore. It ends up hurting me, and then I end up hurting the ones I love. There are fights, there are words, there are flared tempers and short snappishness… it’s all undeserved, and it’s all your fault 4am. You’ve got to stop.

Please.

With thanks and fond affection for our past times together,

Robyn

PS – Happy Monday.

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