Ahhhhhhhhhh, Christmas. That wonderful time of year when people go absolutely batshit mental about the word “Christ”. Like the delicious scent of cookies in the oven, the omnipresent sense of loathing hangs in the air, choking the joy and childishness out of the holiday.

The thing that I find most amusing about all this soul-destroying headf*ck of a “war on Christmas”, is that “Christmas” didn’t have a damn thing to do with Jesus’ birth in the first place. Hell, the kid was most likely born in September (or so hints the Bible in Luke 2:8, but let’s not quibble), but no one really knows for sure. Isn’t that strange? We’re supposed to celebrate the birth of Christ, but God kinda’ forgot to tell us what date his son was actually born on. Oooopsie! But hey, fun fact: you know who WAS born on Dec 25th? The son of the Egyptian Goddess Isis. Cool, eh?

So, Dec 25th was essentially a Pagan holiday celebrating the shortest day of the year, and was a mega highlight of the whole year. There was whooping, hollering, dancing, singing, food, drink and general merrymaking and whatnot. It was a hell of a party, and it was AWESOME. However, once Constantine took power a bazgillion* years ago, he decided that Christianity was like, THE thing, and set about to making sure that all the creepy pagans understood just that. And so, *poof* went the fun, and in came the ennui.

And the Christmas tree? Ohhhhhhhh boy, is THAT ever a contentious issue these days! To me, a Christmas tree is where we hang school-made Popsicle stick and glued-marshmallow ornaments, and where we put presents for our loved ones to open on Christmas morning. However, call this a ‘holiday tree’, and look out! “Yaaaar! grrrrr! put Christ back in Christmas! Yaaaar! grrrrr!“… oh knock it off. The Christmas tree isn’t even about Christ! It’s about the death and rebirth of Noah’s son Nimrod for pete’s sake. What did the Bible say about that special CHRISTmas tree, anyway? Have a boo at Jeremiah 10:2-6 where it basically says, ‘don’t be like those freaky heathens that cut down trees and put ornaments of silver and gold on them. Those guys are nuts…false idol worshiping yadda yadda yadda!” (I may be paraphrasing here). In fact, I believe in that same passage the Bible is instructing Christians NOT to follow this custom. But that somehow got lost along the way. Conveniently. Like a lot of other things in the good ol’ “Good Book”.

You know, here’s the thing: In my world, Christmas should be for the kids. It’s a time when they can believe in Santa Claus and red-nosed reindeer, and being good, getting presents, and having a great time singing songs that they really don’t fully understand. It should be about making merry with your friends, and spending some extra time with your family. It’s should be about joy, giving, love, and effervescence – not about arguments, ignorance and hatred.

To me, the phrases ‘happy holidays’ and ‘merry Christmas’ are interchangeable, like those six pairs of white tube socks you have in your dresser. Who cares what you say when you’re saying something kind? “You look lovely today” is the same as “Hey, looking great today!”… “This cake you made is fantastic!” and “What a great tasting cake you’ve made!” are the same… “I love the way you’ve remodeled your kitchen” is the same as “Your newly remodeled kitchen looks great!”… and finally,  “Happy holidays!” is the same as “Merry Christmas!”… they are just ways of saying something nice to someone.

Please, PLEASE stop being so mean-spirited. Personally, I don’t want to wish you a merry Christmas, because I don’t like the evils that have been perpetrated in Christ’s name by those who purport to do ‘his work’. But I WILL say, “I hope you enjoy yourself at this time of year!” Ok? Ok.

So have yourselves a very happy holidays – may you be full of cookies, wine, laughter and love. And that, my friends, is that.

And while I’m at it, I wish you a happy Wednesday, too.


*Bazgillion may or may not be a real number