The Cheerleader I Live With and I are going to get married… eventually. Maybe sometime late next year. Whatever. It’ll happen when it happens, ok? STOP PRESSURING US!

Anyway, I thought I’d include you all in some of our wedding planning conversations. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it as much as we do.

Me: I like the idea of a wedding pinata. Like, instead of a cake

TCILW: I do, too. Like, instead of the Greeks smashing things

Me: Yeah. What would we put inside it?

TCILW: The Greeks?

Me: The pinata, twit!

TCILW: Cocaine.

Me: There will be children at the wedding

TCILW: Imagine children on cocaine?

Me: I cannot believe I said ‘yes’ when you asked me to marry you

TCILW: YOU’RE the one that wants a wedding pinata!

Me: What could we put in it, though, seriously? What’s ‘us’? Ah hah – Creme brule!

TCILW: Cocaine.

Me: NO COCAINE. Peanut butter!

TCILW: Peanut butter popscicles!

Me: …

TCILW: Peanut butter popscicles!

Me: How about just some rocks?


Me: I guess it’ll just have to be candy. What if we, like, fill the pinata full of Skittles, and start whacking at it and yelling, “Taste the Rainbow, Bitches!” *gets up to go to the washroom*

TCILW: I like it, I like it…

Me: *comes out of bathroom*… seriously, I don’t know how you do it. How can you live your life day-to-day knowing that your future wife has the greatest ideas ever? How does it feel knowing that you can’t keep up?

TCILW: What?

Me: I just had the greatest idea ever while I was peeing. You know what we should put in the pinata?


Me: No.

TCILW: See? I can keep up.

Me: Shut up! Do you want to hear the best idea I’ve ever had, or what?


Me: What if we go to the butcher and get some entrails, and put those in the pinata?!

TCILW: Oh my god. Best. Idea. EVER.

Me: I know, right!? And that could be the kids’ pinata! OURS will have candy!

TCILW: Here kids, have some gizzards!

Me: Oh my god, we are SO going to hell.

Me: *gasps at most amazing idea EVER*

TCILW: You’re insane

Me: I haven’t said anything yet!

TCILW: I know you. You’re weird.

Me: What if we fill the pinata with hundreds of bouncy balls?!

TCILW: *nods*… ok.  I could be down with that.

Me: No you’re not. You hate the idea. You’re not even excited.

TCILW: No, it’s good. Fun!

Me: That was so fake. You think it’s stupid. Fuck you.

TCILW: Aaagh… you’re being such a woman right now!

Me: What if we fill it full of little slips of paper with math problems on them? It’s could be fun and educational!

TCILW: I think that’s the worst idea you’ve had yet. You’re evil.

Me: ok, well what about birds?

TCILW: You want to put birds in the pinata?!

Me: Yeah!

TCILW: So instead of releasing doves we smack dead ones out of a pinata?

Me: They won’t be dead. Stunned, maybe, but not dead. God, where’s your sense of romance?

TCILW: We could fill it full of gasoline.

Me: And hit it with flaming bats of fire?

TCILW: yeah! And have some candles around, so that when it busts open the whole place will go up in flames.

Me: *gets idea* Oh my god…

TCILW: Tarantuals, right? Some kind of bug?

Me: No!

TCILW: Well then I just don’t want to talk about it

Me: What if we fill the pinata… with teeny, tiny pinatas?

TCILW: Now that I like.

Me: You’re the best almost-husband EVER.

TCILW: I know, right!?