…waiting, waiting, checking my phone battery, checking my phone volume, waiting, waiting, checking my email, restarting my computer, re-checking my email, waiting, waiting… I’m hoping to hear from a great company about a fantastic job today… waiting, waiting, not breathing, waiting, waiting…

In the spirit of all things worky-worky, let’s just set you all up with some Resume Fails, shall we? Got a new collection of them, fresh out of the oven! Keep in mind, these are actual snippets from resumes that were submitted to my friend, who is the HR manager at a hoity-toity hotel in the big city. These are written verbatim for you, but names and identifying info have been changed to protect the ignorant. Anything I add will be in italics. Enjoy, and Happy Friday!

Type 75 wpm and 9000 kpm with accuracy (that’s 9000 keyboard strokes per minute, people)

not afraid of heights–can climb a ladder and do a job

Interests – reading (books)

Skills: I am pet friendly

Terribleness is a part of greatness: let us not deceive ourselves.” (Not a good email signature when job hunting)

Skills:Independent self-starter who works well without supervision. Knowledge and experience in Catwalk

l just saw your post on craiglist and l was just wondering if you looking for somebody to fill out that position

I am writing in regards to the Craigslist ad I seen today.

I am hungry,reliable, hard working,diligent, great team worker person…

I have working experience of making coffee and doing the customers

Experience – collecting balls in soccer fields

5’6” tall, slim and flexible

Safe, sane and fun to be around