Let’s call him… “Jake”.

There’s a fisherman who has a boat at the harbour where The Cheerleader I Live With and I reside, and our dog Jenn is completely, totally, and insanely in LOVE with him. This is sort of what she looks like when she sees Jake…

Now normally Jenn greets people with affection and happiness anyway, but with Jake, she about turns herself inside-out with joy. She bends her body in half and wags her tail with such passionate violence that I think she’s really going to hurt herself one day! Of course Jake is always happy to see Jenn, so this makes her even more thrilled with him. It’s the most ridiculous school-girl crush I’ve ever seen… and it’s adorable.

She knows his walk from half a mile away, she knows what Jake’s truck looks like, she knows the trucks of the OTHER people that Jake fishes with, because sometimes Jake is IN those trucks, so GLORY BE, he must be here!!

And being who we are, The Cheerleader I Live With and I have made up an entire back story about Jenn and Jake, and we sometimes cross the creepy-creepy line (like when I said that Jake is The Cheerleader I Live With‘s future son-in-law), which makes us laugh all the more. Because we’re sick like that. We are sick, sick individuals.

Now… this little romance between Jenn and Jake was a fine way for us to entertain ourselves and have a private little giggle now and then, until SOMEBODY (I’m looking at YOU, Cheerleader I Live With) decided to just go ahead and tell Jake about the whole thing. Do you have ANY idea how awkward the look on Jake’s face was when he was told that our dog had a crush on him, and that she was really upset with him lately because he hadn’t brought her flowers!? Do you think he was able to keep his composure when he was told that our dog bought a brand new dress, and couldn’t wait to show it to him?! I have never seen a ratty, dirty, unshaven fisherman blush that shade of red before. It was AWESOME!

So now Jake just plays along. In fact, just a few minutes ago, he called The Cheerleader I Live With from “work” (we don’t talk about Jake fishing the raging seas in front of Jenn – she gets the Vapours), and I put Jenn up to the phone just to hear his voice. I mean, I didn’t let her talk to him or anything – haha, that would have been weird! But he laughed a little when he heard her snuff into the receiver… I’m sure had Jenn been wearing pants, she would have wet them then and there.

Sure, Jenn and Jake is a love for the ages, we know that. Who are we to keep them apart? There are many parents who disapprove of their daughter’s boyfriend… but Jake is a good guy. He really is. I’d be ok if he whisked her off to Bali and they got married barefoot, under the star-streaked night sky, while Jenn wore a simple crown of wildflowers. It would make her so happy.

And given how Luna’s last relationship worked out, we need a little joy around this house! It is so incredibly heart-breaking to watch your dog run along the shore chasing a swimming beaver while shouting, “Montauk! Come back! I need money for diapers!”… that beaver was an asshole from the very beginning, but could we convince her? Noooooo. Of course not. She LOVED him, and they were going to run away together and build a dam of their own to raise a family in. That no-good beaver broke Luna’s heart, and sent her crying all the way home with a basket full of pups and a broken heart! JUST LOOK AT HER!!

My poor girl. She won’t even eat pudding… she used to love pudding… oh god… WHY, MONTAUK?! WHY?!


…There’s a lesson in all this folks: You can’t fight true love, and never let your dog marry a beaver.

Happy Thursday.