Me: Wasn’t it awesome last night when Luna farted on her own face?!

The Cheerleader I Live With: Totally.

Me: It was almost impressive!

TCILW: …yeah, not quite.

Me: Oh come on, are you telling me that if you could do what dogs did you wouldn’t just fart in your own face?

TCILW: That would be one of the last things I would do if I could do what dogs did.

Me: But not THE last?

TCILW: Eating poop would probably be the last. No… yeah, it would definitely be the last.

Me: What about eating stuff then barfing it up to eat it again?

TCILW: To be honest, that might be kind of cool.

Me: Yeah, maybe – like, you eat lasagna, then barf it up, and *voila* you now get to eat spaghetti!

TCILW: Why do we have these conversations?

Me: These are the questions that plague humanity, my friend.

TCILW: Really? Socrates was fond of debating dog regurgitation, was he?

Me: Maybe. You don’t know. You weren’t there.

TCILW: Ok, what would you do FIRST if you could do what dogs did?

Me: Sniff stuff.

TCILW: You know what I’d do?

Me: Something tells me that I do.

TCILW: I’d lick my balls.

Me: I expected nothing less. But… what if it were a really hot day?

TCILW: Especially on a really hot day!

Me: Gross.

TCILW: You know what else I’d do? Bark incessantly at absolutely nothing.

Me: Good call!

TCILW: Then, when my human came over to see what I was barking about, I’d laugh in his face.

Me: Dogs laugh?

TCILW: So now you’re concerned with realism?

Me: So, if we were dogs for a day, would we remember the experience, or would we forget as soon as we turned back into humans?

TCILW: We’d forget it, I guess.

Me: So… what you’re saying is… it could already have happened?

TCILW: …whoa.

Me: I KNOW, RIGHT?!

TCILW: That’s not something I want to think about right before I go to bed.

Me: But it’s probably why you still think you’d lick your own nards on a hot day.

TCILW: Probably.

Happy Thursday, all!

xo

 

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