This is what happens when The Cheerleader I Live With and I get all hopped up on Indian food and beer, then try to discuss significant historical moments.

To set this up a bit, I was on the couch reading the book Memoirs of a Prague Executioner and The Cheerleader I Live With kept poking me in the belly to try and make my stomach make weird gurgling noises.

ME: Excuse me, I’m trying to read about the summer of 1627, if you don’t mind.

TCILW: Whatever. Who cares about 1627? I let my brain go back about 200 years, then everything… basically happened at the same time.

ME: Really? You go back 200 years? I go, like 50, and then everything happened all at once.

TCILW: I’m quite sure that there’s a bit more distinction somewhere.

ME: Like Jesus?

TCILW: Yeah, but… there was more stuff, like, after him and between us.

ME: You’re right, there were the World Wars and such. But before that, it was pretty much all Jesus. Oh! There was some metalworking or something… like, everyone took shop class and built the printing press and the conveyor belt. And people lived in houses made of straw.

TCILW: People still live in houses made of straw.

ME: Well that really screws me up, doesn’t it?

TCILW: We could at least go back to the colonization of Canada. That was somewhat important, was it not?

ME: Oh come on, no one cares about Canada. The world knows more about Betsy Ross sitting at the front of the bus during the Alamo riots than they do about anything to do with Canada.

TCILW: …I don’t think you’ve got your history completely correct there.

ME: I’ll tell you one thing that people know about Canada – we burned down the White House.

TCILW: Ooooh, yah. People totally hate it when we bring that up.

ME: I know! I think that’s why we like to do it.

TCILW: Probably. We Canadians are total dicks. We’re known for it.

ME: Yeah, I don’t think you’ve got that completely correct there…

TCILW: That’s why we sew Canadian flags on our stuff when we go traveling – to let people know that we’re dicks, and they shouldn’t mess with us.

ME: Huh. I’ve been wrong all this time. I’m so glad you’re in my life.

TCILW: I like to make sure you’re well-informed.

ME: Can I go back to reading about Bohemia and the Choking Pear now?

TCILW: Christ! If you want to.

Enjoy your Tuesday, everyone!

xo

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