Friday already?! Where did THAT week go?

Let’s see what I’ve got in my bag of Friday Trainwreck tricks for you today…. hmmm… let’s see… OH! How about a few Resume Fails from my friend who works at a fancy-schmancy hotel in the city? Again, all entries are written verbatim (anything superfluous will be in italics)…

-In response to an ad for a housekeeping position “Objective To use my artistic and interpersonal skill to create inspired designs that will exceed each client’s expectation.” (And it’s not even like he used an old resume and forgot to change it because his prior jobs were as a dishwasher and a pizza maker)

-By the way, I am a catholic and christian practioner and my new found high is to work in this cross-cultural environment as it is very enlightening and opens my mind and gives some real hands-on exzperience on what a global and universal person really is.

-OBJECTIVE: Hostess/ Filing Drawer / Customer Service

-My heart is to give you the service you expect from me and beyond that by going above and beyond within your company by loving each person that comes my way (which is strictly against company policy, really) 

I swear that the more of these I read, the worse I feel about not having a job yet. Really? THIS is my competition and I’m STILL not employed?! Granted I’m not applying for these jobs, but still! I do have another interview on Monday, so that’s a good thing. They seem to be coming in more frequently now, so I’m damn happy about that. At least I’m starting to feel like I’m being noticed.

You know what sucks? When you get up in the morning to make coffee, and you realize that you forgot to get milk the day before. Now, you have enough milk for half a mocha, but that just will not do. It’s a dreadful tease, really. So now I have to schlep off to the grocery store to get milk with all the other dimwits who forgot to get milk yesterday. It’s times like these that I really wish I had footed pajamas. With a bum flap. Man, do I miss having pajamas like that. I used to have Smurf pajamas that even came with a Smurf hat (kind of like these, but far better quality, and way less creepy), and they were pretty damn awesome.

I hate French Toast. I really do. It’s so… eggy.

But you know what’s awesome? Alfalfa sprouts and mustard. That’s just the way it is. English muffin, egg, cheese, avocado, alfalfa sprouts and mustard. Brilliant.

I also like raisin toast.

And so, for the last 22 seconds of this post, I give you a video of a penguin being tickled.

Happy Friday everyone! Have a fabulous weekend!