Go to the stall farthest from the sinks. Check to see that toilet has been flushed. If it has not, find another stall. If toilet is clear, proceed.

Is there pee and/or toilet paper on the seat and/or floor? If yes, find another stall. If it’s all clear, proceed.

Is there toilet paper? If no, find another stall. If yes, proceed.

Upon further inspection, is there enough toilet paper? If not, find another stall, if yes, proceed.

Is there a coat/purse hook on the door, or has it been broken off meaning that you may need to put your coat/purse either on your lap, or the dirty floor? If coat/purse hook missing, consider finding another stall, depending on the urgency of the internal situation. If purse hook intact, proceed.

Is the coat/purse hook too high, meaning that someone may be able to reach their arm over and simply steal your coat/purse while you are in a rather vulnerable position? If hook too high, look for coat/purse-placement options. Is the toilet roll dispenser wide enough? Is there a toilet tank? Is the toilet tank clean? If the coat/purse hook is at a reasonable height, proceed.

Is there a working lock on the door? If not, find another stall. If yes, proceed.

Does the toilet have an auto-flush, or does it have a handle you need to depress? Is it a handle that you can reach with your foot? If yes, proceed. If no, check length of sleeves. Proceed.

Double-check amount of toilet paper.

Are you alone in the bathroom, or is there another woman in another stall? If another woman is present, is she in the midst of doing her business? If you do not hear anything, give her a courtesy flush so that she may continue, which would then allow you to start. If you hear that she is in full stream, feel free to proceed. If you hear that other things may be occuring in the stall, give her a courtesy-noise flush, and then proceed. If you are alone, proceed.

Did someone just walk in? If yes, stop process to suss out situation.

Is the other woman going into a stall? If yes, proceed. If no, pause the action until she has finished checking her hair/applying her lipstick. Proceed once she leaves.

Is the woman who just walked into the other stall pausing, or proceeding? If she is pausing, you should proceed with some haste, as it is apparent that she may need to do things that could cause a disturbance. If she is proceeding, so may you. Note: if the woman gives herself a pre-flush, please hurry through your process during the noise the toilet makes, as she is doing this for your benefit.

Pause before exiting the stall to listen if another woman is exiting at the same time you are. Exit the stall, and scope out the sink with the full AND working soap dispenser. Wash hands.

Is there a woman in the stall, but she is not making noise? Please hurry through the hand-washing process, and cough and/or hum every so often to let her know that you are still in the room. Some women have performance anxiety and may not feel comfortable proceeding while you are there. Also, it really sucks to have to hold it while you’re sitting on the very receptacle that allows you not to.

Either dry wet hands with towel, or use them to touch up your hair, and wipe the lint off your black shirt.

Check hair.

Check teeth.

Check butt.

Adjust boobs.

Check hair.

Lean in and check hair.

Exit, and enjoy a happy Wednesday!

xo

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